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1. The Pleasantly Confused Patient:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Hey! Just checking in. How ya feeling?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: LOUSY!<\/em> (Rant about random things)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: What if I came by in a few minutes and I washed up your hair and redid your braids? Think that might cheer you up?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Serious thinking face) You’d do that for me?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Of course!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Leaning close and whispering) I appreciate what you’d do for me. Really. But, don’t waste your time, baby because I’m walking outta here when noone’s looking so don’t tell my nurse!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Whispering back) I’m your nurse, remember?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Still whispering) You didn’t hear any of that. I’ll take the hair do, baby. Thank you.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 2. The Patient who Wins at an Awkward Moment:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (6’3,\u201d getting up from the bed) I’m just gonna walk there. I’m FINE, Hun.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Wife: (4’9,\u201d pointing tiny finger) You will SIT DOWN and use the urinal right this instant!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Sits down and uses urinal)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Wife: (Taking urinal away to empty it)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Winking at me) Don’t judge me until you’ve tried her meatballs!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 3. The Hangry Patient:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Hello, I’m Angela and I’ll be your nurse today\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Cutting me off) Do you have some breakfast for me?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Not yet. It’ll be here in a little while. How are you feeling today?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (no response)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Are you having any pain today?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (no response)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Would you like something to drink?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (no response)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: How about I come back and talk to you when I have some breakfast for you.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: Now you’re talking!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 4. The Hilarious Patient Who Catches You Off-Guard:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Hey I’m\u00a0Angela\u00a0and I’ll be your nurse today. I’m just gonna do a quick assessment to check you out. How’s your groin? Any rashes?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: Can you at least buy me dinner first?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 5. The Inappropriate Patient:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: So I’ll need you to lift up your gown so I can visualize the bruised areas.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (lifting gown) Whoa now! That’s the most action I’ve seen down there since 1975!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 6. The Spouse-Appeasing Patient:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Speaking in Mandarin)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Getting the translator phone)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: Candy! Sweet candy, please!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n (Wife walks in)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Looking sad) Apple sauce. Please.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n When his wife wasn\u2019t looking, I snuck him a munchkin!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 7. The Impatient, Anxious Patient:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (7:01am, super anxious) My doctor said I’m going to rehab today. What time are they coming for me?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Explaining the process and that transport will be here at 6pm)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (9am) Why aren’t you getting me dressed? They’re coming to get me soon and I can’t wait to leave!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Reminding the\u00a0patient\u00a0that the transport is coming at 6pm)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (11am, on the phone with husband) Yes and I’m gonna love it there! They’ll have food I’ll actually like to eat. It will be wonderful. I will like it so much!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (5pm) OK, let’s get dressed for the transport and get you all set for rehab!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Lip quivering) But I’m not ready to leave yet! I like it here! What if they don’t make any food that I like to eat? WHAT IF I DON\u2019T LIKE IT THERE?!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Reminding the\u00a0patient\u00a0about her phone call to her husband about how much she’ll love it there)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Sinking down into bed, pulling sheet up until only her eyes are showing) Are you SURE?!!!!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 8. The Stubborn Patient who Learns A Lesson the Hard Way:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (7am, shouting) TAKE THIS MASK OFF!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Explaining to the\u00a0patient\u00a0why she needs her oxygen mask.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Patient: (8am, shouting) NURSE! Take this mask off NOW!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Explaining again why she needs her oxygen mask.)<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Patient: (9am, screaming at the top of her lungs) TAKE THIS MASK OFF<\/em> <\/p>\n Me: (Taking mask off) If\u00a0I leave this off, your oxygen will drop so I’m going to be right outside this door and if you change your mind, you let me know, OK?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Patient: Trust me, I won’t!<\/em><\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (9:03 am, screaming at the top of her lungs)\u00a0NURSE! PUT THE MASK BACK ON!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 9. The Hilariously Grouchy Patient:<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Shouting) Excuse me? Nurse! Nurse!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Hello, sir. I’m Angela. I’m working around the corner today. How can I help you?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Scowling at me) Well, I just want to ask you a question. Are you my nurse?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Well, I’m not your nurse. But I might be able to answer your question.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: Do you know the manager of this unit?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Yes I do.<\/em> (Stating the name)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: Very well. Do you know her manager?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Yes.<\/em> (Stating the name)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: And is there a manager above her?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: Well, then we have the CEO of our healthcare system.<\/em> (Stating the name) Is there a reason you want to know the name of all of the managers? Would you like to speak to a manager?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: I don’t want to talk to anybody. I just want to know whose name I should put on the package when I mail him back this AWFUL lunch he just served me!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Thinking about the Italian ice my patient didn’t want that I just put in the freezer) How about I bring you an Italian ice? It’s lemon flavored and it’s really a delicious treat!<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Patient: (Suddenly smiling a mile wide) Italian ices?! You have those?! Well, that changes EVERYTHING!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I came back two hours later to check on him and I found a happy man and four empty Italian ice containers.\u00a0When life hands you lemons, eat them!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n 10. The Patient That You\u2019ll Never, Ever Forget!<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Me: (Checking in on a young patient who just got some tough news) Hey! How are you feeling?<\/em> <\/p>\n Me: (About to say that I admired her for her strength…)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\n NOW! RIGHT NOW!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nPatient: (Smiling) I’m alive and I’ll get to see tomorrow so I am just fine! Everyone’s posting on Facebook about the color of some dress and me…I’m just over here relaxing and happy to be alive! Thank you nurse! It means a lot that\u00a0you checked in on me….<\/em><\/p>\n