There has been a lot of speculation and uprisings from stoners for their beloved marijuana to be de-criminalised. This will hopefully never happen, marijuana is a stain on the world that needs to be removed. It has no benefits besides this “high” they love so much and it just creates all kinds of problems. Here’s 10 reasons why the drug is the worst thing to happen to humans!

10. Ruins Education

It’s a well-known fact that people who smoke weed have a 60% chance to fail their exams while in school. If you smoke weed more than 3 times a week, you yourself are slowly becoming a mindless pot smoking zombie and you will find it difficult to learn. This also contributes to why stoners don’t have jobs.

9. Creation of Stoners

Stoners are a huge problem in today’s society. They don’t have jobs, they just sit at home spending all of their benefits on weed. Everyone I know who has met stoners have complained they have bad breath, rarely go out and socialize, openly insult our governments and even have conspiracies against our favourite companies! Once marijuana has been removed, so will these and good riddance!

8. Gateway Drug

Did you know that 95% of stoners eventually go on to consume heroine, cocaine and crystal meth? This is because marijuana is very aggressive and forces your body to consume more. Eventually it convinces your body to move on to stronger things, some can resist the urge but most of them have such low mental strength that they cave in and turn to further drugs.

7. Bad Parents

If you ever hear about someone with a child smoking marijuana I insist you report them to the law immediately as they’re ruining their child’s lives! Parents have a much more stressful time than non-parents and so marijuana affects their body even more, turning them into super-stoner like users. They become lazy, stupid and completely abandon their parental responsibilities over time. Those poor children are innocent and shouldn’t be around anyone who consumes marijuana!

6. No Medical Use

One of the things stoners LOVE to say – “I smoke marijuana because it’s healthy!”. They couldn’t be more wrong, not only have multiple tests found that marijuana (and all of its forms) have no medical use, they are actually incredibly harmful! One ill patient had a single ‘joint’ for her illness and the next day she was found unconscious. The aggressive nature of marijuana actually helps other diseases to spread as it re-imprints your white blood cells to ignore the harmful diseases. Keep smoking marijuana please stoners, for the rest of us in the civilised world, never smoke it.

5. Mental Issues

The outcome of the negative effects of marijuana can be physical but some of the worst is in your mind. Stoners have their own term for a reason, they show psychopathic, anti-social issues and rarely smile. They don’t eat as they believe marijuana is all they need. Another fact is that most murderers have admitted to planning such murders while high. Stoners have been trying to keep this information hidden for over 40 years but it’s time for the truth to come out!

4. Animals

It’s not uncommon for a stoner to smoke marijuana in the same building as an animal but some do it with the animal in the same ROOM. Yes you read that correctly, how utterly disgusting is that. We all know that animals are nothing like humans, marijuana has approximately 12x more serious negative effects on animals. However, stoners don’t care about other creatures, only themselves and how high they can get.

3. Addictive

The obvious one that everyone always knows, marijuana is currently the second most addictive substance behind heroin. How many people have you heard have quit smoking nicotine or quit drinking coffee? Tons, how many stoners have given up their easy lives and joined society? Can’t think of one? Doesn’t surprise me. It’s incredibly addictive, stoners love being high and marijuana loves brainwashing them. Just getting high once is enough for your body to think “Wow this is amazing, I’m going to consume this for the rest of my life!”.

2. Illegal

Lets stop talking about the facts, it all depends on what the law says. The law currently says marijuana is illegal besides in a few places (ran by stoners..). It’s illegal for a reason, all the facts said in this list is exactly why. It’s a hugely harmful substance that costs ordinary citizens like us billions of pounds of money each year, it’s almost bordering stupidity to oppose the law.

1. Alcohol is far better

At the end of the day we always have alcohol, our ancestors have been drinking beer for thousands of years, can marijuana say the same? No. Alcohol also makes you feel really good, after a few beers you’re ready to go and dance, meet some new people and have a great night. Have a few ‘joints’ and you’ll be spending the rest of your life on a sofa, alone, unhealthy and high. Alcohol is cheaper, it is distributed via shops rather than drug dealers and is taxed so any purchased goes towards OUR economy.

Sure there are some side effects of alcohol in the same way that there are side effects if you drink too much water or eat too much cheese. Have 1 pint of lager every day for 10 years has about the same negative effect as smoking just ONE joint in your lifetime.

Thanks for reading.

P.S

In case you didn’t already guess, this is a parody list! Please comment and let me know if you realised or genuinely thought this list was serious 😛